I’ve had several people ask me whatever happened to the young lady we invited to live in our home. First I have to say that this experience brought me the greatest joy (in the beginning) and also the greatest sorrow.
There are children in the world who grow up with so much pain and who experience so much crisis and dysfunction in their little lives, that they never recover. And no matter what someone does to try to reach them and love them, it is seemingly impossible for them to overcome the nuturing and love they missed out on as a child.
Foster parenting isn’t for wimps. And I am not a wimp, believe me, but the task of caring for a 16-year-old who has so much hurt and anger inside was the biggest challenge of my life. The situation here at home became so difficult that it was hurting me more than it was helping her. It was bordering on dangerous. It was a heart wrenching decision that I had to make but K is now in a residential facility and will likely never come back here to live. I keep telling myself this is what is best for her and for us but “giving up” on a child goes against everything I’ve always believed in. It hurts. Deeply. But things simply could not continue down the path they were going. I’ve had to step back and give some distance between K and I. I need time to heal and she needs to see that there are consequences for behaving so abusively toward another person. My husband is keeping in contact with her, giving her the love and support she desperately needs. Maybe in time, I’ll be able to have contact with her again. I truly do love her. I just can’t help her right now.
I so wish the story had a happy ending. Sometimes life isn’t the fairy tale I think it is. In fact, it rarely come out like a fairy tale. We just have to accept it for what it is and learn from it.
Posted in foster | Tagged foster, mental illness | 2 Comments »
One of my intentions for 2009 is to make art a part of my every day life – whether painting or art journaling or jotting down ideas or sketches. Could even be something like shopping for new art supplies or finding a new online artist to learn from.
In order to get off to a grand start, I’m following along with Milliande’s art journal prompts for January. Here are my first two pages. You can see more detail of you check out my Art Journal – January tab.
Posted in art, art journal, daily | Tagged art, art journal, daily, Milliande, mixed media, visual journal | 2 Comments »
I am SO excited about the new year. I have so many plans swimming around in my head. No resolutions – that usually entails giving up something and that is NOT in my plans! No, my goal is to add MORE ART to my life. I want to open my own shop, probably on ArtFire. I have several pieces I’m going to be making prints of and will hopefully be adding new things a couple of times a month. My older daughter and I have a couple of altered/assemblage projects we’re working on to add to the shop and then my younger daughter is starting to make jewelry to sell. I’m really excited about all the possibilities!
In the meantime, I’m going to be participating in my first ever ATC swap. The theme is “Under the Sea.” Come check it out and join in!
Posted in art | Tagged ACEO, art, artfire, ATC, ning | Leave a Comment »
To love someone. This beautiful young lady we have taken into our home has some pretty serious hurts she is carrying around and along with that, some very undesireable, angry behaviors. The first six weeks or so were wonderful (honeymoon). The past two months have become increasingly difficult. We knew she had some mental health diagnoses but we just didn’t realize how severe it was. The anger she has toward her bio mom is being taken out on me and last Friday it got so bad, I was afraid of her. Her acting out and rage continued into Saturday so we had to call the worker oncall and have her admitted to the hospital. We all met together with a therapist there and I told K I wasn’t sure I could continue with her living in our home. It was a very hard thing to say to someone who has already been removed from every home situation she has ever lived in. INCREDIBLY hard. And incredibly sad. My heart is broken over this.
Perhaps we need a little self disclosure here. I have generalized anxiety disorder. I have to manage my stress level very carefully or the anxiety flares up and gets the best of me. If it gets away from me, it begins to cause physical symptoms and makes me sick, sometimes for days at a time. My muscles and joints sometimes become so painful, it hurts just to be touched. I get bad headaches and heart palipitations. In extreme events, I become so fatigued I can’t function, yet I can’t sleep. And now there are new symptoms. My feet are cold all the time, but now I’m beginning to get some numbness and pallor in my toes. I did some research and found these symptoms fit in with a diagnosis of Raynaud’s syndrome. This can also be a result of stress. I have a doctor’s appointment next week.
So this leaves me with quite a dilemma. Do I continue to try to provide a home for this lovely, lost little girl? Or do I recognize my own limitations and do what I need to do to take care of myself? This seems to be a little of that “either or” thinking when I type it out but I really don’t see any way to manage the stress better when she is here. Maybe that’s something I need to consider. Maybe I need to make an appointment with my own therapist.
She is supposed to come home tomorrow. My hands get sweaty just thinking about it. I’d like to try to keep her here at least through the end of the year. I want to give her a nice Christmas. I just don’t know if I can continue past that, especially if the angry behaviors start up again.
Posted in foster, mental health, relationships | Tagged anxiety disorder, foster, kinship, mental health, Raynaud's | Leave a Comment »
I was reading a magazine this evening about poverty and its contribution to world hunger. There are an estimated 923 million people worldwide who are undernourished. It’s a problem that has been around for ages, yet we have done very little to resolve it. Through this magazine article, I found an organization who really gives people in developing countries a hand up rather than a hand out. The organization is Kiva. They link up entrepreneurs in third world countries who are trying to work their way out of a life of poverty with people like you and me who may be willing to provide funds in the form of a small short term loan.
Some open small general stores, some are artisans who need materials for their craft, some own a phone where others in the community can make phone calls for a small fee, some are farmers who need seed to grow food to sell in the community. Each one is finding his/her place in the world to set up a small business in order to raise their families out of poverty, provide their children an education that will lead them to a better life.
A loan can be made for as little as $25. You will receive updates on you sponsoree’s business and your loan will be repaid as the business grows, usually in 6-12 months at which time you have the option of rolling that money over to a new entrepreneur.
Pretty darn cool and definitely something I’m interested in doing. Check it out:
Posted in daily | Tagged entrepreneurs, hunger, microfinance, microloans, poverty, social cause | 1 Comment »
I’m Moving!
May 2012 S M T W T F S « Feb 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 Pages
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